“At every birth, two people are born — a baby and a mother.”
Mother is a brand-new title in life.
But motherhood is also a bridge between our past and our present.
Loving our children feels so natural — and yet, at times, so hard.
We often carry in our minds a set of “norms” about what it means to be a good mother. The truth is, most of us can’t possibly meet all of these expectations.
Much of the love we give our children comes unconsciously from the love we received in our own childhood. These “pre-built norms” shape the way we show up as mothers.
At the same time, we hold in our minds the “set norms” — the standards we believe we should meet.
Often, there is a gap between these two — the "pre-built" and the "set". And that gap is where mum guilt can quietly take root.
But this is not our fault. The "pre-built norms" were wired into us long before we had a choice. And the "set norms" we carry are not always true or right.
That’s why it’s so important to pause and reflect. To ask ourselves which norms truly align with our values and beliefs — these become our “believed norms.”
If a set norm doesn’t align with your believed norms, let it go.
If a pre-built norm no longer serves you, begin the gentle work of rewiring. This takes effort and time, but if it leads to a motherhood that feels better and kinder, it’s worth the journey.
There is no single right or wrong way. Motherhood is not defined by anyone else’s rules.
You hold the power to define your own.